these are from the 1915 book eugenics: the science of human life by w. j. truitt. this books has a lot of bizarre advice and warnings in it, but these graphics are what caught my eye at the flea market. enjoy (click for larger size):
"thousands of boys such as the above illustration represents are growing up in this fair country of ours. bright, manly little fellows. how many of them through ignorance and improper training will take the course pictured on the left, wrecking their lives and breaking mothers' hearts. will yours be one of them?
at sixteen playing truant and smoking cigarettes; at twenty-one impure in thought and deed and a saloon loafer; at thirty a thug and desperate character, and at forty-five a confirmed criminal and physical wreck.
or through christian influence and mothers' prayers how many will be at sixteen possessed of clean habits, and studious; at twenty possessed of manly purity, and industrious; at thirty rewarded with success and manhood's best gifts; and at seventy looking back over an honorable and useful career."
"the above bright little girl represents thousands in our homes today. happy, loving and sunny-dispositioned. parents, what responsibilities are yours! if not wisely trained and taught she may follow the course pictured to the left and bring down your gray hairs with sorrow to the grave.
at fifteen, in the company of boys of questionable character; at twenty, modesty and self-respect lost; at twenty-six, immoral and an outcast from home and society; and at forty, prematurely old, with life wrecked, hope gone, and poverty and wretchedness her lot.
on the other hand, wisely trained, she may be for the rest of your days a source of joy and pride. at fifteen, modest (a girl's rarest quality) and studious; at twenty, victorious in her studies and pure as a sunbeam; at twenty-six, a proud mother in her own home; and at seventy, well-preserved, loved and honored."
man, this is gross. i hate cranberries, but i feel bad that those tarts have to sit so near this circular hell food. the stuff in the middle is succotash. it's pretty much just green beans and corn with butter. i got no problem with that. put that in a bowl and i'll eat it. but do not put it in a so-called "apple-beef ring." apple sauce and beef. in a ring. why a ring? this is from the book happy living: a guidebook for brides, so maybe the ring is supposed to represent marital commitment? let us now exchange apple-beef rings. you get the idea. anyway, gross. don't eat this.
this is old, but whatever, i didn't have a blog when i put it on flickr. this was from a shitty mall portrait studio that someone i know (?) used to work at. there was a promotion where people could come and get pictures taken for free in the hope that they would buy a lot of prints or bring their friends back. for some reason , this couple decided not to buy prints of this shot, but thankfully, it was saved from the recycling bin by an employee. one of the best photos ever.
an excerpt from the 1990 christian choose-your-own-adventure novel "he gave her roses" (cover) by vicki grove. this was the first, and as far as i can tell last, in a planned series of christian choose-your-own adventure books called "what would you do?"
the publisher, group publishing inc has no mention of the book or the series on their website. they do offer other fine ministry products, such as the chocolate boutique women's retreat kit:
During the Chocolate Boutique Getaway, women take part in four sessions beginning with "Chocolate for the Heart." They'll worship, laugh, cry, and dig into the account of Jesus' first miracle in John 2. As this session draws to a close, everyone will move to more sessions: the Chocolate Tasting Boutique, the Chocolate Laughter Boutique, and the Chocolate Prayer Boutique.
uhhhh ok. or if you're a dude you should get dangerous devotions for guys: dare to live your faith. extreme christ for the bros. but if you've got little ones and really want to have fun, be sure to order rome, the vacation bible school kit wherein kids pretend to be persecuted christians in the roman empire:
the thrill of sneaking past Roman guards...exciting meetings with Roman Christians in a secluded cave...kids of all ages love Rome! It's the most exciting week of summer!
And after we had been driven forth before the wind for the space of many days, behold, my brethren and the sons of Ishmael and also their wives began to make themselves merry, insomuch that they began to dance, and to sing, and to speak with much rudeness, yea, even that they did forget by what power they had been brought thither; yea, they were lifted up unto exceeding rudeness. (1 Nephi 18:9)
apparently this is gavin newsom's penthouse russian hill condo up for sale (is he not even pretending to live here anymore?). not sure if the furniture is his or not. probably not, because i don't see any hand drums. the hoa dues are higher than my rent!
that bully on the right is pretty mean looking, what with his entirely blue outfit complete with sweatband. you can tell they are up to no good because of their skateboards.
the geeky kid in back looks like he's having a physical reaction to their taunts, like someone just punched his feelings in the face. meanwhile, the kid in front is so so sad. "why?", he asks himself. obviously, it is because of the glaring social error of wearing two different colors at once. he won't make that mistake again.
remember k and k mime? a couple years ago, we all marveled at the insane flash intro to their website. now there is youtube video of one of their performances. given the intense setup on their website, it's painfully boring. i'm glad i'm not a mime.
by the way, this is the design team behind their crazy flash intro. they have made a bunch of other, similarlyover the top flash intros for other christian websites.
tribulation is a low-budget christian apocalypse feakout movie featuring gary busey half-heartedly mumbling and grumbling his way through the post-rapture world. also, as in many culture's apocalypse myths, howie mandel shows up in a bit role. is it worth watching? let's check the imdb reviews. hope there's no spoilers.
Spoiler This film is worth watching. Some notable actors, but has beens, they do an A job -mm-39
It is the kind of script that is so good that the mainstream studios will not go anywhere near it . . . One of the best parts was the use of great American actor, Gary Busey, who recently converted to Christianity, and believes that God prepared him his entire life for his role in this movie - jackisback
I liked the fact it has to do with stuff going on today,persecution of christians,which I am one,and dont feel I should be persecuted at all. - Brunken7
according to the marina district's wikipedia page, moscone recreation center was "renamed after the assassination of mayor george moscone as a political payback to the conservative neighborhood activists in the marina district who opposed moscone's progressive policies." i don't know if this is true, but it makes me pretty happy.
the park is the former site of the tower of jewels at the 1915 panama pacific international exhibition. now it is mostly rich people's babies and little kids running around on the playground. the park has a putting green, which is kind of cool. the marina branch library is also in the park. i go in every once in a while when my work takes me that way. it was recently refurbished and is pretty nice inside, except that it seems to perpetually be kids' activity time, and there is always singing going on. i'm not big on libraries being completely quiet all the time, but its hard to think at all when 40 kids are screaming the words to "wheels on the bus." there is a designated area outside for strollers, maybe 20 by 20 feet, and it is usually packed.
there are things i like about working here - views, sea lions and pelicans, the nicest safeway in the city, funny tourists. then there are things that make me happy i can leave this bizarro neighborhood at 5 every weekday and head back towards my own.
gavin newsom announced via twitter today that he is officially running for governor. this is getting out of hand: he also changed his livejournal mood to "gubernatorial."
two more great pieces of graphic art from the jehovah's witnesses, from the 1989 book questions young people ask - answers that work. here are some delightful online questions and answers if you're feeling lost and are wondering things like, "what's so wrong with telephone sex?", "why do i have to read?" and "homosexuality - how can i avoid it?" idiotic and bigoted they certainly are, but you can't argue with their inimitable graphic style:
i bought this photo for 25 cents at the alemany flea market. the guy told me it was an accordionist from the lawrence welk show. but who? not welk, obviously. is it myron floren? i went to the awesome lawrence welk museum in escondido last time i was down that way, but i'm no welk expert by any means. nonetheless, beer+accordion party sounds pretty good right now.
these flyers were strewn up and down mission street by my apartment the other day. i'm sure an explosion would change my life, but i'm not sure it would make it better. i like having limbs. i bet people who have suffered a traumatic experience are more likely to turn to religion though, so maybe this plan ain't half bad.
gelatin-glazed meat sitting on more gelatin. the unappetizing slimy flower design on top is made from hard boiled egg, shallots and black pickled walnuts. if the whole thing isn't disgusting enough, the recipe calls for turtle soup in the glaze.
the book suggests serving it with a full flavored cabernet sauvignon or claret-type red wine. probably a lot of it if you expect you guests to attempt to eat this.
this photo is for a "seafood loaf" recipe and is from the 1965 book "happy living: a guidebook for brides." nothing keeps a marriage healthy better than seafood loafs. jesus conjured up loaves and fishes for the multitudes, but with this recipe, you can one-up the son of god and kill two birds with one stone, although it only serves 6-8.
its made with tuna, eggs, macaroni, cheese sauce, and butter (of course). it is so gross looking. i wonder if it jiggles if you poke it.
one more tea party post. last one, i promise. maybe. but this lady's sign is so great. i love the way she came up with to attach it to that stick. almost as logical as the brilliant stuff she's written on her sign.
I have a dream today. I have a dream that we can stop playing not just the blame the messenger game; I have a dream that we can stop playing the game of blame the messenger who's specifically saying the opposite message.
i'm going to start a new series of posts here chronicling the best imdb reviews i come across. i would love submissions. i'm always fascinated by stellar reviews of terrible movies, terrible reviews of stellar movies, and especially people that have really strong opinions about movies no one else seems to care about. in some cases, caring enough to go through the trouble of creating an imdb profile just to write an impassioned review of a single movie. i like the enthusiasm. anyway, our first entry: imdb user reviews for the 2003 a&e made for tv movie benedict arnold: a question of honor starring aiden quinn as arnold and kelsey grammar as george washington (yes). i came across some of these when i was deep in research for my kelsey grammar presentation, and they seemed like a good start.
george washington: kind of fat?
first off, the angry lady:
though I myself am I woman, if I were Arnold I would have bitch smacked Peggy for shoving the idea of being a traitor into mind. This A & E special about the question of Honor of Benedict Arnold still makes us ponder that very thought. - staisil2
the nitpicking historian:
. . . I believe major generals at the time had two purple strips on each arm on their uniform in addition to the pink sash seen the movie . . . I would have liked them having at least one large ship that took place in the battle instead of this small row boat -jtomkov
the concerned parent:
I guess the casting of Kelsey Grammar should've tipped me off. Though his portrayal of Washington is fairly straight, it includes at least one lewd comment . . . But it gets worse. There are two bedroom scenes with Benedict Arnold and his wife one of which is very suggestive (partial nudity) . . . Luckily my wife and I previewed it before deciding not to show it to the family. - glendalough
another reviewer agrees, saying that washington "would *never* utter the vulgarities emanating from Kelsey Grammar's mouth." I wonder what he actually says in the movie? this thing's a basic cable, made-for-tv movie, so it can't really be that bad. goddamn maybe? "man, fuck you benedict arnold, you fucked up our shit!"
"Imagine whisking through towns at speeds over 100 miles an hour, walking only a few steps to public transportation, and ending up just blocks from your destination," Mr. Obama said. "It is happening right now, it’s been happening for decades. The problem is, it’s been happening elsewhere, not here." . . . “There’s no reason why we can’t do this.”
sometimes i am very happy that guy is the president.
the huffpo headline is maybe kind of an exaggeration, but, following in the footsteps of action film stars chuck norris and ron paul, texas governor rick perry was definitely at least hinting at the idea of texas secession at a teabagging party today. geez!
i felt kind of empty after the election, with no more crazy palin rally videos to watch. this stuff is maybe even better. like this guy's bizarre correlation of pirates and fascism. and then the second guy, who seems to think lincoln was about limited government? was he really?
it's teabag day! for the past 4 or 5 months, people around the world have been thinking, 'hey, maybe america's not actually that crazy. there seem to be some sane people there.' thank god these crazies have taken to the streets with their teabagging to remind the world that we are still as batshit insane as ever.
bo obama is already getting his own children's book, "bo, america's commander in leash". jesus christ, what has it been, 48 hours since his existence was announced? also "leash" doesn't rhyme with "chief," and as i understand the constitution, presidential pets don't have any military authority. maybe the patriot act changed that or something. i'm sure this piece of garbage was written a couple of days after the election speech, with spaces left where the dog's name would eventually go.
newsom press secretary nathan ballard has become a standup comedian. in response to ross mirkarimi's proposal that the city run its own medical marijuana dispensaries, he had this to say:
"The mayor will have to hash this out with public health officials," press secretary Nathan Ballard said. "It's the mayor's job to weed out bad legislation. And to be blunt, this sounds pretty bad."
if (when?) newsom doesn't win the gubernatorial race, maybe ballard can get a job writing jokes for high times?
described by its designers as if the building were “once floating on a higher sea that has now subsided; leaving the structure propped up high on glass and white, coral-like legs.”
we rode our bikes to sausalito yesterday. we had a couple hours to kill before the ferry, and there's not a whole lot to do in sausalito except stare across the bay at the city or shop for $200 velour sweatsuits bejeweled with wine jokes. we ended up getting some beers at the no name bar. it was not actually that bad, so long as you don't mind paying $4 for a budweiser. nice back patio with cats.
this is mission street between bernal heights/la lengua and the 280 overpass. repetitive but charming! i like that nautical-deco green house. i think these are from the 20's?
this 1994 movie has an incredible 1.7/10 rating on imdb. it's not quite worthy of such a low score, but it's pretty wonderfully bad, with a couple moments of shit film transcendence that make it worth your energy. the premise of this movie is that a talking dog named sherlock bones is on assignment on catalina island with his human partner. when said partner is captured by spandex-bedecked drug smuggling thugs, sherlock turns to the help of a young sad boy to help him solve the crime.
the character of sherlock bones is endlessly fascinating. we are never told why or how he can talk. at one point in the film, he tells the boy that he is 47. is that in dog years? was he at some point magically turned into a dog but is actually a 47-year old human? these questions are never asked or answered. the name of the film also raises some issues. is he undercover as a dog, or is he a dog that is undercover, and if so, undercover as what? sherlock bones has a scottish accent for some reason, even though he is clearly an interpretation of sherlock holmes (although he never sports the hat and pipe on the cover in the actual film; he does, however, have an eyepatch, which is never explained). my best guess is that after deciding that detective bones works for scotland yard (which is in london, and doesn't have much business investigating drug smuggling in southern california), they figured the dog should probably have a scottish accent. or really, a terrible, inconsistant attempt at a scottish accent, spoken at a bizarre, jerky pace to try to match up to a dog trained to open and close its mouth. this method of fake-dog talking is much preferable to the digitally-added moving mouths that they used in beverly hills chihuahua, which were deeply troubling.
the young boy sherlock turns to for help is on catalina to visit his "eccentric" inventor father, who is trying to sell a children's toy he created called the t.u.r.t. ("totally underwater robotic turtle"), which looks like something that might have been popular in the 1950's. the cast is rounded out by a kindly veterinarian, who becomes romantically involved with the dad (obviously), and her know-it-all daughter, who is employed as a tour guide at the historic catalina casino (there are no schools on catalina island: the children work). the children embark on a predictable variety of madcap adventures in order to bring down the criminals. like nite song, sherlock: undercover dog features young children fighting with armed, sadistic criminals. great fun.
like i said, this movie has some moments of pure transcendence. here is one of them (reframed by my poor cameramanship) wherein the two famlies get to know each other by making creepy horror music on spinning glasses:
rode our bikes through golden gate park. rowed a boat around stow lake. went to the beach chalet. got a circular sampler of delicious beers. excellent saturday.
also the beach chalet has an awesome ocean explorer on their stairs:
we got this at thrift town. dennis awe is an organist. he is also an author*, self-help speaker, organ salesman, and cruise host. this video came out in 1991 and has a suggested retail price of $39.95, which is slightly more than we paid.
i guess you could call this party time. dennis awe sits at an organ and plays showtunes and old pop standards. he's wearing a wonderful, absurd shiny suit covered in matching sequins/jewels. he's surrounded by a bunch of balloons (party!), but there is no audience. this thing has like 100 songs on it. in between every 3 or 4 songs, he introduces the next couple ("here's some romantic favorites sure to bring back some memories," etc). when he's playing, he keeps looking straight at the camera and winking or smiling like we just told a weak joke. this tape goes on forever. i couldn't finish it. it was starting to make me feel dizzy and feverish. i did make it to the cha-cha-cha medley, thank god. i'm not sure if you're supposed to play it at a party or if it is supposed to bring the party to you. i imagine it being just about right if you're having a horse tranquilizer party, or if you are an old person.
*from dennis' official bio: "Critically acclaimed as one of the greatest collection of jokes is Dennis’ "Jokes 4 U", a best-selling book you must have if you enjoy laughing… and who doesn’t ??!!"
ladies and gentlemen, i give you perhaps the best dvd menu option ever:
nite song is a christian garbage film masterpiece. allmovie says 1988, but it had to have actually been filmed in the 1970s. joe and pete are neighbors. joe's got a lot of problems. his dad is an unemployed drunk and his sister is a heroin junkie. luckily he's found christ. he tries to get pete to accept christ and pete is like "you should cool it, the kids at school are going to think you're an idiot." then joe sings a (nite) song about christ using him. the heroin dealer gang (who are pretty cool; see below) are all running the city and trying to get the kids to work for them. bad news! eventually they kill joe, but pete sees a ghost of him playing ghost basketball. it turns out every fucking kid at the school they went to has become a christian because of joe, and they form a kind of club to catch the heroin dealers in the middle of a big transaction (which all kids should be encouraged to do; there's no better formative experience). everyone accepts christ (as on the dvd menu) and stops doing whatever sinful shit they were doing, and ghost joe shows up one last time to scare everyone. the end.
