head-grabbin': the crime epidemic expands

you thought i was lying? trying to pull one over on you? no way. this head-grabbin' thing is getting bigger. pretty soon you'll see a special report on cnn ("anderson cooper presents: you best protect ya neck"), and increasingly paranoid articles will begin to appear in usa today and readers digest ("how can you tell if your child is a head-grabber?"). you will start to see people walking around wearing motorcycle helmets. glenn beck will pour red paint on a slice of chocolate cake and catapult it into the sky to demonstrate how head-grabbin' is barack obama's fault. this thing is going to be bigger than swine flu. already, people's heads are being grabbed in their cars, while they are waiting for the light to change.